In order to accomplish my goals for this blog, I'm going to need to take a retrospective look at my entire experience with cancer. Therefore it would make sense to start at the very beginning. Something that for me seems like a lifetime ago; when in reality it's been less than four years.
It was early June 2010, and I was getting ready to write my final exams of high school. The year had started out amazingly. Canada had won gold in both men's and women's hockey, on home soil at the Olympics in Vancouver. That March I had spent my birthday on a school trip to Paris and Barcelona (One of the best experiences of my life to date). Finally, to cap it all off I was going to graduate high school, and start the biggest and most exciting journey of my life... Or so I thought.
I had missed a couple of days of school with a bit of a cough, and a slight fever. Being so close to finals my mom wanted me to see if I could get something to clear it up. So that day I went to the walk-in clinic to visit our family doctor.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened at the doctor's office, he did a routine check up and prescribed me something to help take care of my cold. When I was about to leave he suggested that I get some blood-work, just to update my chart. He wrote me a referral, and on my way home I stopped at the hospital and had some blood samples taken.
I might have been home an hour and a half when the phone rang; I was surprised to find it was my doctor calling. He told me that there were some "irregularities" that had been flagged in my blood-work, and that my neutrophils (Which I only vaguely knew anything about at the time.) were "extremely low" and that it was probably caused by some type of infection, like mono. He reassured me that it wasn't anything to be too worried about just yet. However he insisted that if my temperature started to rise I should go to the Health Science Emergency in St. John's as soon as possible, and that he would call ahead with the results of my blood test.
It wasn't long after the doctor's call that my temp. not only started to rise, but shoot up. Likewise I started to feel miserable, with the chills, headache, and dizziness that often accompany a high fever. My mom got permission to come home from work, so she could rush with my step-father and I in over the highway to the Health Science.
On arrival we explained to the triage nurse what was going on, and that my doctor had called ahead. He took me in right away, and took several more vials of blood (My first experience getting to skip the line due to being immunocompromised. Yippie!). Then I was placed in a bed in the emergency, where I spent several hours.
The emergency was (as usual), quite a hectic place. That night was far from a quiet one, there were dozens of people that came through. Most notably some people who had been in a bad fender bender, and an older man who I didn't see, but from the groans he was making was in some kind of agony. Needless to say that sleep eluded me. Not only because of the noise, but also the thought of what might be going on with me. I have never been one to get overly worked up about anything. Perhaps compared to how others might react, I was fairly calm. However to say I wasn't scared that first night in hospital would be a lie.
For similar reasons I still lose sleep at night from time to time. The feelings aren't as strong as they were back then, but it's hard not to wonder what's going on with your body. Especially when you have a flu you can't shake, an ache or pain, or a new spot that comes out on your skin. I know, fears like this are irrational. My chances of relapse decrease with each healthy day that passes. Unfortunately though cancer doesn't just affect you physically, it takes a huge tole on your mind as well. When treatment is done and the cancer is gone, it doesn't necessarily mean you're all better. In fact I believe now that it's the time when the real healing begins. These are just some of the thoughts I go through everyday, and each day I'm working on, and getting better at controlling them.
Thanks for reading, Have a good one!
Jordan.